It looks as though we are going to Go For It!  We found a private school that we really like nearby called "Calvin Christian."  It is the first time we have visited a school with Caleb and found him excited about it.  He looked at me after we peeked into the kindergarten class and said, "this is where I am going to go to school."  And their Pre-school curriculum is exactly what I would choose for Brody.  

I still love the idea of Home-schooling the boys, but see that there are resources out there that they would THRIVE with. And I think that I will thrive as a mother, utilizing those resources as well.  

I've had many people ask me "why home-school" or "why a Private Christian school when there are such stellar public schools within walking distance from your home."  The answer is simple for me:  In our home the boys learn that they are incredibly loved by God, and that God is not only an idea or something to believe or not believe,  but truly present in all we do and think, as well as learn.

Learning this from us is marvelous!  And then it is reinforced at church where their teachers speak the truth of God's love into their hearts.  But when they go to a big school and are taught by teachers and surrounded by children who also share the same world view, a biblical world view, then in these formative years, I believe, they are more apt to fully understand and believe it as well.

And that is what I desire for my boys above all.  

More than our financial comfort; beyond the approval of friends, neighbors, or family; even more than an incredible education from the world's standards (which we desire as well, don't get me wrong) is that we long for our sons to know God as creator over all they are learning, and as the Savior who came to demonstrate His love for them.  

I've learned so much from this year of "home schooling."  I've learned to be more intentional.  I've learned an incredible amount about my very individual sons as well as my (very individual) self.  I had to relinquish my desire to gain the approval of those I love, in order to seek God's approval in this area of my life.  Yes, in so doing I learned a lot about our responsibility as stewards of these marvelous boys who we get to see to manhood.  

Still their head mistress... when they sit, and when they rise, and when they walk along the way...

Wondering why I haven't updated this blog in eons?  I'm just too busy!  And I don't mean to sound idyllic as though we're in constant motion between Charlotte Mason-esque nature walks, family reading time, sports camps, home-schooling co-ops and field-trips, and a myriad of exciting, enrichment opportunities for our boys.  I mean my life as mother, wife, teacher, house-keeper is much too much to manage.  My baby is perfect and I long to send the boys away for a few hours each day so that I can just love on my third-born miracle; my second born is all imagination and play and I never sit and PLAY WITH HIM, I'm just too busy it seems.  I feel as though I am failing everyone for the sake of teaching Caleb.  And, once again, don't misinterpret... Caleb's not getting all that much outta me these days either.  If Caleb has 3 or 4 times a week with my undivided teaching attention, he's getting more than the rest!

And yet... and yet Caleb learns so easily.  Every time we sit down with our hooked on phonics workbook and readers, he just naturally comprehends what I'm explaining and proceeds to read.  We don't really do math, I just talk aloud as we naturally do life in mathematical situations like cutting apples, counting his change, telling time, climbing stairs.  The other day I was counting out the kids' vitamins and there is one type that Caleb gets four of and his brother gets two of another brand that he likes the taste of better.  Caleb asked, "mom, why don't you give me two of mine and one of his?"  He just gets things.  All the time.

Brody on the other hand just turned three last week and when I ask him about his shapes and colors he either responds, "I don't know, you tell me.." or he gives me a ridiculous answer and laughs like a mad animal!  I know I need to spend more one on one time with him, that is my main focus now, but I'm trying to be okay with his dirty-little-critter ways.  It's as though God made him with the marvelous purpose of BEING IN THE DIRT!  he's always been at home in a mud puddle with a bit of blood or drool seeping out of some place on his precious little body.  If I want him to learn anything I think I outta take it to the dirt.  Maybe draw shapes in the sand, build sand castles and count the buckets full of dirt, draw our numbers in the garden bed while wiggling our toes amidst the worms.

Baby is just happy to be playing, nursing and sleeping.  I try to read to him like I did his brothers, but he is much happier to be eating the books!  He reminds me so much of Caleb... only more of a people magnet like Brody.

So, I'm learning my kids.  Busy busy learning them.  I wish I had some help in making everything come together better.  I just feel unable to make it all happen.. to meet everyone's needs.  I wish we had the money for a private school education.

I wish I knew the mind of Christ in all of this.  

Caleb is loving his home school experience.  He gets really excited when he meets another child who is schooling at home.  When we were in McCall Idaho, we went up into the mountains and meet a family who oversees a historic miner's town and hot spring.  the 7 year old girl named Ester rode around the camp bareback in the rain. Caleb kept cheering her on, "make him run!  make him run!"  

Caleb love his horse back riding lessons and his Soccer class, lots of time with his Brother Brody, and tummy time with Mommy.  Tummy time is when we lay on our tummies on the bed and have a reading lesson.

Our $40 hooked on Phonics box set was the best investment I made this year.  Caleb is reading through the beginning readers one at a time.  I find it interesting how exhausted he gets sounding each word out.  It's a work out for his four year old brain!  But now that he is learning more sight words, he's going smoother and faster.  And with ease comes confidence and with confidence pride in his ability to do this marvelous Big Boy thing!

Outside of reading, he is also tracing and copying his letters.  But his favorite way to practice his writing is to just go for it free-form.  The other day he wanted apple juice and we were out so he got a piece of paper and started writing. 

"What are you doing?"  I asked.  

"making you a shopping list" he replied.  

the list included Apple juice, Sunny D, bars, and grapes.  The essentials!

Every Friday the boys and I also go to a preschool Co-op for "class day."  There are some really nice kids in the group and the moms are all so creative.  Caleb learned more about bees that day than I could have taught him, and this week it was Spiders!  They are also learning to be "Secret Agents" at school... which is a crucial life skill that I am glad he's acquiring so young!  

one of my favorite parts of home schooling right now is when we sit to do some paper work at the table and Brody wants to join in.  Caleb will draw the hands on the clock and write what time it is... and then Brody will color it in.  "Nice Job" they compliment one another.  

Asher and I just got back form our first CHEA Conference (Christian Home Educators Association.)  I walked away well rested (as Matt had the two big'uns at home) and more secure in this decision to home school.  

Primarily I went because I needed to feel part of something larger than myself.  The convention offered me just that.  There were thousands of people (mostly mothers) attending three days worth of workshops and exhibits, and the most amazing thing of all is that the majority of these mamas looked just like me.  Now I know that I may be setting myself up for criticism here, but I was going into this arena expecting every woman to have long, long hair, and a trail of little daughters behind her all dressed exactly alike in their home-made threads.   Okay, there were two or three like that, but for the most part they were people who were just like us, only themselves, living in this same culture, opting out of public education and looking for resources to educate their children as best they can.

I learned some from the teachers there, but mostly enjoyed perusing the exhibit hall and asking questions about different curriculums.  I also learned a ton from the book "100 top curriculum picks for home schoolers" by Cathy Duffy.  She helped me understand my teaching philosophy, my teaching style and Caleb's primarily learning style, then laid out curriculum that supported these truths.  

The main area I am now praying about / reading about / and seeking advice over is if and how much Christian curriculum should be included in our "studies."  That component would be a part of our lives wherever the boys were schooled, because we love and talk about the Lord as a family each and every day (Deuteronomy 6) so now that I am teaching them at home, do I add more Bible and Christian world view perspectives into all of their lessons?  I don't feel that their phonics lessons needs to be tied to a Bible based first reader... Sam sat on Mat is silly, I know, but fine by me.  However, there are some subject as they mature where I will naturally do this, because it is who I am and what our family is about.  I just don't know about Christian curriculum yet.  And still... I am totally open to it.

On the learning front, Caleb just had his first "telling time" lesson this morning and traced his letters around a paper clock.  We also finished reading "Stuart Little" yesterday, however, we were both  disappointed with the ending.  Kind of a downer.  Sure, it sparked conversation about Stuart's disappointment when the canoe was broken and how his poor attitude stopped him from going off and having fun with Harriet, as well as talks about if we thought he'd ever find Margalo, but still it just felt incomplete.  Unfinished!  

However, we have more books on the shelf and are eager to start reading about "Billy and Blaze" today!

P.E.

I recall an old neighbor friend of mine mentioning her love for teaching her children to read.  Why," she said, "would I want to delegate such an awesome privilege to a stranger? It's too much fun!"  Today, I was there to hear Caleb READ his first book!  It was book #1 in the first "Bob Books" series.  He almost made it through the second book too, however, he began to tire and so I helped him with a couple of words.  (My friend Alison cautioned me not to push Caleb, but instead help him cultivate a love for learning, so I am trying to stay mindful of that.)  

After Caleb's big reading adventure, I read him the first two Chapters of "Stuart Little."  We had bought it this morning for his trip next week to Grandma's house, but I may have to find another book by then.

I also purchased the "Hooked on Phonics" Kindergarten boxed set, and their "Hooked on Bible Stories" set as well.  Along with our "ready for Kindergarten" work books, and a couple of fun Kumon work books, we are stacked with fun choices.  

My main goal for Caleb is to get him reading over the course of this next year.  Second to that is his learning to tell time.  

Brody is learning his ABC's (though he sings "Baby C, D...) and is finally starting to get his shapes.  He loves tactile crafts and so I want to give him plenty of that as well as sand and water play at the park nearby that has sprinklers and sand lots.  Brody is not interested in playing with others unless they are in his house I am seeing, so inviting friends his age over is something I want to cultivate for him as well.

I see that the biggest component of being a teacher of one's child, is actually being a student of your child!  The more I know these boys, the more I can know when, what, and how to lead them in their pursuits of knowledge.  

Caleb had a great time at a new friend's house today.  It was a "school day" at this home schooler's home and Caleb was included in all the letter / shape / color / eating / playing fun!  When we got home I asked Caleb, "would you like to invite Jake over for one of our school days?  We can invite him to 'Caleb's home school!'"  To which he replied, "Let's call it toot school, cause you can toot at my school."

And there you have it!  Set all the lofty, academic aspirations aside, and Caleb is still just a FOUR YEAR OLD BOY! 

But he's also a PERFECTIONIST I am learning.  Yesterday he wrote nearly all of his letters (upper and lower case) on his own!  I sat there cheering him on and making sure he was holding the pencil the correct way.   I didn't much care for how the letters looked, because this was his first time doing them all and I know his small motor skills will develop over time, but Caleb cared.  I'd compliment him on a letter and he'd adamantly shake his head and flip the pencil over to use the eraser, as if to say "I can do better!"  And he did.

I was amazed.

It's been a week and a half since I formally committed to home schooling Caleb and I've told only a hand full of people.  Those who home school their children are obviously supportive.  And those who are presently making their own decisions over their first-born's education (weighing all the options) are excited for us.  However, my friends who are not "home educators" have not spoken a word of encouragement to me.  I've sent emails and even shared face to face with a couple, only to receive what I call "non-responses."  I guess they are lovingly practicing the old adage "if you don't have anything nice to say..."

The other challenge of this past week has stemmed from this response from others:  I have been afraid that Home Schooling my kids will remove me form the world too much for me to have any profound influence for the Gospel.  If people think I'm a "total nut-case of a "conservative," Christian who is trying to keep her kids in a bubble," then they will be more difficult to engage in relationship.  

That said, as I've prayed through these thoughts the past few days I've realized that the people God has allowed me to have the greatest influence with for His sake have been women who make their way into the church.  They are the seekers who are attracted to those who love God.  And I will not loose that sphere of influence.

Also, I've always felt that the main area of ministry God has for me is a speaker to women within the church.  I long to encourage women to grow in Christ; To grow in love towards their husbands and children; to pursue all the riches that are available to those who love God and live according to His purposes.    

And lastly, in general, I have been disgruntled these past few days.  I feel Spiritually attacked and wearied.  However, all this to say, none of my opposition has come from my "pupil!"  Not to say that Caleb will always want to do his studies, but today he is happy to have me as his teacher.

We are reading "Charlotte's Web" and having a marvelous time foregoing pictures and using our imaginations.  

Here's our version of "Zuckerman's Farm."  

Next on the reading list is an original children's story by our very own "Grandpa Bru" (Matt's Dad) called "The untold stories of Roy Rogers and his horse Trigger."  The boys LOVE all animals, but horses especially. This is one of the benefits of home schooling, we get to spend the Lion's share of our time exploring subjects that really interest the kids.

It's been a week and a half since making the choice to home school and I am slowing telling people.  My fear over what others will think has been the hardest part of this journey for me thus far.  Then I remember the purpose behind the choice... Caleb.  Caleb is so happy!  And so am I.

I have decided to home school our boys!  Overnight I began seeing our home as an academy of sorts. Sure, the two big guys were already learning here; learning through play and puzzles, conversations, and prayer, but now I am more intentional with the opportunities to learn that so naturally abound.

But since I have entitled this blog "Chronicles of a Head Mistress", " I ought to do just that, Chronicle... and that means start at the beginning.  

The road to this decision has been a sort of pilgrimage and I've been sojourning for more than a year. It has required me to relinquish my own agenda as I seek more than just this one answer. No, this has not been a normal, cut and dry decision over where and how to educate our children, it's been a matter of how I make decisions in general... 

It all started about 14 months ago when I started asking God some big questions:  "Should we try to have more children?  Should we adopt instead of try to conceive?  What should we do for their education?"  And,  "should we move?"  I started asking the people I came in contact with had adopted or chosen to home school, "how did you decide to do this?"  And their answers always went something like this; "I felt called to..."  or "I felt that God was calling me to..."  And so I began to pray, "God, are you calling me to do any of these things?"

The initial answer came quick, but it wasn't really an answer to any one question.  I sensed that God was indeed calling me, calling me to BE OPEN TO THE CALL!  And that was the first step. I had to be available to His call either to adopt or home school.  But eventually I began to see that God didn't just want me to offer up these two areas for Him to dictate.  He wanted ME! He wanted ME TO BE OPEN TO HIS CALL... All of me, open to all of Him.  What a concept. Someone looking at my life probably wouldn't have noticed a drastic change, but it was a matter of the heart.  

Now, in the matter of adopting or conceiving, we almost immediately got pregnant!  Our past two sons were conceived with the help of fertility medications, this one was not.  So that was a pretty basic answer.  And since becoming a family with three boys, my husband has been very sure that we are indeed finished having children.  So I have left God calling us to adopt up to God calling my husband to adopt!  That would be as great a miracle as our conceiving this last child!

The road, however, that led me to take this full time position as "Head Mistress" was a little less like a lightening bolt and a little more like a long walk in the rain.  I kept seeking God in the matter of how to educate our kids, and felt that my initial plan would be the perfect way to begin... until I had heard more clearly what God would have me do.  So I signed Caleb (nearly four at the time) up for his first year of preschool at a really lovely Private Christian school.  I thought, if we end up choosing to go "Private School" with their academic careers, this will have been a good place to start our first son.

He was excited to start, but quickly lost interest.  He cried, asking to stay home with his Brother nearly ever school day.  I pressed him because we had just moved to a new city and I believed that he needed friends / a community / some routine.  But the only friends he longed for were his mother and brothers and the only routine we found was the constant struggle to get him out the door.  During these months he would often say, "why can't YOU just teach me, Mommy? I like it when you teach me things!"  Talk about missing the proverbial Lightening bolt and continuing along in the ceaseless drizzle...

Finally Caleb said to his Dad and me, "I don't like their toys, I don' t like their food, and I already know my letters!"  I finally I got it!  He was bored and wanted to be with us!  The learning that the other children were enjoying was stuff we had done two years earlier and the play things they had there weren't his familiar toys played with alongside his very best friend, his brother.  So we pulled him out of school a couple of months ago.  

Immediately Caleb's demeanor changed back from challenging and aggressive (which had only started this Fall) to the likable guy we love to be around.  Oh, don't get me wrong... he's still four and can wear me out!

Around this time I talked to him about trying other preschools and imagined him still attending a private Christian school when it was time for Kindergarten. It was around this time as well that I began to see the conflict.  I was telling God that I was open to his call, whatever it was, but I was so busy running my own play, I couldn't hear the obvious shouts from the sidelines:  Not God's, not Caleb's.  

Let me mention, however, that I was also reading books on home schooling, sent or suggested by various friends, and still wanted to "be open" to this particular call.    I was also starting to look at the really excellent public school right here in our neighborhood, as well as research the County's various private Academies.  I can't tell you how exactly it happened, but suddenly I became OKAY; open to anything God called us to do in this decision.  I wrote out my pros and cons for public, for private, and for a home education, and while I still didn't feel a clear calling, it was my first time realizing that I had total peace (and joy) with whichever CALLING God had for my family.  A few days into this peace I started grumbling (Stiff-necked, desert wanderer that I am!) "If I am open to anything, God, why aren't you GIVING ME A CALL?"

A day or two later I was "playing school with the boys," singing the months of the year and reciting the days of the week, when Caleb's eyes glazed over and he got this goofy grin on his face.  

"What's wrong with you?"  I asked.  

"You're just like my teacher, Mom.  This is exactly what I've been asking you to do!" 

The Lightening Bolt struck, and this time it hit me straight on!

It was the previous evening that I had been (pros and cons yet again) and discovered that I could get behind the public school option with my head, but I was getting REALLY EXCITED about home schooling every time I read a book about curriculum and different home schooling education models.   Classical Christian Education especially!  My heart engaged when listing the PROS for home schooling.

So that is where I am!  The past 4 days have been fun as we have begun reading our first Chapter Book, CHARLOTTE'S WEB, doing more focused workbook time (which both boys enjoy) and also playing a lot more baseball for Caleb's "playground time" as he calls it.  

I am going to my first home educators convention next month and have also met two (home schooling) moms in our neighborhood with boys around my boys' ages. They have been a sweet encouragement to me along with friends Malisa, Cynthia, Laurel, Bonni, Alison, and Shannon.  

The confirmation we Christian's like to call "PEACE" was short lived, as it was trumped by sheer, unbridled ENTHUSIASM!